Disapproval.

Well... Got my brother's view on some stuff at least. Yah, clearer on some aspects le.

Especially his disapproval of my stead.

...

Haiz, I've always wondered what was my family's stand on my homosexual behavior... They've always been very passive about it, with occasional flares when I become over-passionate about my stand..

My younger brother is a typical homophobe straight guy, or at least he acts like one.

My elder brother is a leader in church.

My mum is a sunday school teacher.

My dad is an elder in my church.


and. Their son is gay.


sometimes, I wonder if they're accepting or tolerating. Or secretly planning something to "destroy" the homosexual thingie in me.


will gays go to hell?


I hear that fire and brimstone message around me everyday... I get quite sick of it, coz nobody understands that its not a choice that I wanted to make...

I mean, who doesn't want to have a girlfriend?
Who wants to have weird stares at people when they hold their partners hands?
Who likes to be talked behind their back?
Who likes to be shunned by the public?
Who likes to be hounded by the government?

Its not like I'm some fucking ugly freak or something that I can't find a girl.

Even if I have a girlfriend, I'll be hurting her more, because I can't hold her in my arms without twitching my eyes to stare at another guy.

why?

I might as well be celibate for the rest of my life..

gah.

I'm starting to rant at 2 AM in the morning again...